Inspired by a Love of Circle Practice - Ruby’s Story

When she was in year 10 at school, Ruby Tremain was nominated by her peers as one of the students they felt safe with and would be willing to ask for help. This led to her participation in the Natural Helpers Programme and an introduction to circle practice that would change her life.

Youth advocates

Circlewise, a community interest company set up to bring circles into schools, communities and individual lives, launched the Natural Helpers Programme alongside Action to Prevent Suicide. The aim was to train a group of naturally empathetic individuals to become youth advocates, providing peer support to fellow students that would enhance their mental wellbeing and emotional resilience.

The nomination came as a surprise to Ruby and led to her being invited to participate in the Natural Helpers retreat. She said:

“The retreat was amazing. We slept in bell tents and did workshops to learn about suicide prevention and how to regulate our own emotions and nervous system. I was introduced to circle practice for the first time, which is where everyone sits in a circle and takes it in turns to speak, holding the ‘talking piece’. At the time, I hated speaking in front of people but as soon as I sat down in circle, I felt powerful – like I’d done it before. People shared their stories and I gave them my full attention. When it was my turn, they listened fully to me. It was intense but there was a lot of laughter, too. It built up my confidence in talking to people and, after that, I was hooked.”

Fortnightly student circles

When she returned to school (King Edward VI Community College in Totnes), Ruby began participating in and helping out at fortnightly student circles held by Circlewise. She said:

“Some of the students were a bit scared to speak up and be vulnerable in front of other people. As a youth advocate, I was able to be fully present with them so they could find the courage to speak, although they didn’t have to if they didn’t want to. In secondary schools, there’s such a focus on trying to impress and on surviving and not getting bullied. There’s such a disconnection there. It really benefited me to be able to connect with people and listen without worrying about what they thought of me or what to say next. It was really beneficial for my mental health – I felt more accepting of myself and others. After a while, I really began to crave my time in circle. I felt fortunate to have had the opportunity to do this. It would be so good if more schools could hold regular circles – students would really benefit.”

A space to listen and be heard

Although Ruby has left school and is now in her first year at university, she continues to be a vocal advocate of circles for young people and is keen to bring the practice into more schools and universities. She said:

“Circles are a space to listen and be heard by others. Everyone is equal – there is no hierarchy, you can see everyone’s faces and there is no judgment. It is so rare to find people who will just listen and accept you for who you are. Many times I’ve felt very emotional and wasn’t sure I wanted to go to the circle, but I went anyway and felt much better afterwards. No matter what people’s age or background, so many of them tend to share the same kind of struggles and insecurities. At a time when there’s so much disconnection and loneliness around, when people often don’t feel heard, circles provide a nurturing and supportive space.”

Circle-inspired art show

Ruby’s love of circles inspired her recent show – Women Holding Women – as part of her Art Foundation year. She explained:

“I was focusing on the idea of place and it made me think about how women hold spaces for each other. We are conditioned to make things more comfortable for others – to hold others before we hold ourselves. Women in my own life, like my mum, raise me up and make me feel like I can conquer the world.”

After being inspired by the book The Subversive Stitch, Ruby put a post on social media requesting donations of fabric from women. Responses came from as far afield as Africa and Germany. She collected the fabric and sewed it into a patchwork tent which she tied to a circle of foraged willow. Then, with the help of her mum, Kate Tremain, and stepfather, Flash Mackenzie, Ruby invited friends and friends of friends to an evening of circle practice. Small groups of five women were invited to sit in circle with Ruby who posed questions like “Which woman in your life did you most look up to?” and “Who do you feel really safe with?”

Ruby said: “It was a magical experience. The circle created itself. There were around five groups, one after another, with women of all different ages taking part and sharing from the heart. At the end of the final circle, I blew out the candle and closed the circle. Then I held an artist’s question and answer session. There was so much connection and shared wisdom, it was a beautiful and healing experience.”

To find out more about circle practice visit https://www.circlewise.co